As I continue/start the job search process there are a few things in my skills grab-bag that I have discovered missing:
- Familiar with GUI programming (at least I know what this is even if I haven't done it)
- Experience with video game build process (again, at least I know what this is)
- Skilled with scripting languages (nope, no skill there)
- Experience with detailed model building or architecture (I sometimes play with the ketchup and salt shakers at restaurants)
- Experience in traditional motion control, optical compositing, camera operation (I CAN operate a camera! No to the rest)
- STRONG proficiency in C (perhaps I am more in the mediocre range)
- Visual effects experience in feature films (no)
- Experience working on a video game (no)
- 1 to 3 years in game development or film (no)
- Passion for sports video games (hah no, shh don't tell them that though)
I believe I will still apply to these jobs and cross my fingers since most people say i will rarely find a job whose requirements fit my skills perfectly. I think that job would have the title: Gemma Professional. Obviously, I have yet to find that job title anywhere.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
[New Title Goes Here]
Oh, well, I should probably tell people that I am blogging again. . . .
I should also come up with a new name since I am no longer in LA. Suggestions are welcome.
I should also come up with a new name since I am no longer in LA. Suggestions are welcome.
Monday, November 17, 2008
A Return to Blogging
I have decided that blogging is a cathartic experience for me even if I don't think anyone is reading. This is why I am going to re-enter the blogging lime light and lifestyle.
Right now I am experiencing the joys of sitting too close to a smokey stranger. I don't mean smokey in the romantic way, I mean it in the odorous way that makes me wish I had chosen the seat to my left in between two women dressed entirely in black (depressing). I had thought my seat choice rather wise considering I don't like, no, correction, hate being in close proximity to strangers. So now, instead of being sandwiched between two women who I can only guess smell nice if not at all, I am next to a bearded smoker. I could still move to the other seat but then it would be obvious that I moved just to get away from my current seat neighbor and even if he smells I don't want to draw attention to myself with a seemingly inexplicable relocation.
I walked over to the library because I cannot concentrate at home and I had a minor freak out after I looked at some job listings this morning. I have serious doubts about my proficiency in anything they ask for. I thought I would wander over here to the computer section and pick up a book on programming in C, the language of choice for most employers. I learned C at Dartmouth but I don't feel comfortable going to a job interview and then having to prove that I know it. Naturally, there are no books on C in the library but several on C#. For people who don't know much about programming languages, C is a popular language that most everyone in CS learns and needs to know, C# on the other hand is useless to me. Thankfully, I brought materials to draw with so I can direct my frustration into art after I have partially vented in this post. Another thing that I feel insecure about are my drawing skills. I can draw. . . . but I am slooooowww and inconsistent. So I have formed a plan to go to the library quite frequently to hone my C and pencil skills. This plan should also prevent me from having so many minor freak outs. I realize this may not be interesting to you, but by writing it I am infinitely more likely to keep to this plan.
The smoker has wandered away but left his things. This is unfortunate for when he returns my nose shall again be assaulted by the stench that it had nearly grown accustomed to before he left.
He is back.
I was right.
And so ends my first post after so long of a break.
Right now I am experiencing the joys of sitting too close to a smokey stranger. I don't mean smokey in the romantic way, I mean it in the odorous way that makes me wish I had chosen the seat to my left in between two women dressed entirely in black (depressing). I had thought my seat choice rather wise considering I don't like, no, correction, hate being in close proximity to strangers. So now, instead of being sandwiched between two women who I can only guess smell nice if not at all, I am next to a bearded smoker. I could still move to the other seat but then it would be obvious that I moved just to get away from my current seat neighbor and even if he smells I don't want to draw attention to myself with a seemingly inexplicable relocation.
I walked over to the library because I cannot concentrate at home and I had a minor freak out after I looked at some job listings this morning. I have serious doubts about my proficiency in anything they ask for. I thought I would wander over here to the computer section and pick up a book on programming in C, the language of choice for most employers. I learned C at Dartmouth but I don't feel comfortable going to a job interview and then having to prove that I know it. Naturally, there are no books on C in the library but several on C#. For people who don't know much about programming languages, C is a popular language that most everyone in CS learns and needs to know, C# on the other hand is useless to me. Thankfully, I brought materials to draw with so I can direct my frustration into art after I have partially vented in this post. Another thing that I feel insecure about are my drawing skills. I can draw. . . . but I am slooooowww and inconsistent. So I have formed a plan to go to the library quite frequently to hone my C and pencil skills. This plan should also prevent me from having so many minor freak outs. I realize this may not be interesting to you, but by writing it I am infinitely more likely to keep to this plan.
The smoker has wandered away but left his things. This is unfortunate for when he returns my nose shall again be assaulted by the stench that it had nearly grown accustomed to before he left.
He is back.
I was right.
And so ends my first post after so long of a break.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Women of Dartmouth Panel
I realize it has been a long time since I actually wrote anything so I don't expect anyone to read this but I thought I would update this a tad by adding in a speech I made at Dartmouth reflecting a bit on my academic experience there. It was a very personal speech and I think I said everything I want to say relatively well in it. The speech was given at the Women of Dartmouth Panel, which is a panel consisting of seven senior women who were asked to speak about . . . anything they wanted to. Here it is:
When I came to Dartmouth, I expected my social and extracurricular life to define me more than my academic life. The social scene was something I fell into with relative ease and academically I figured I would choose something I already knew, liked and felt comfortable with. As soon as I got here I joined the women’s rugby team and began to work in the theater. I was thrilled that I had the time to do both things when I had previously had to choose between the two in high school. Then my sophomore year I joined Epsilon Kappa Theta and eventually became its Vice President. I believe, like most people, I define myself by what I do on campus because these activities have done a great deal to define me. At the end of my sophomore year I decided to become a computer science major, and while this seemed to be a solely academic choice, that department, for better or worse, has affected every aspect of my life.
As graduation draws near, I find myself reflecting more frequently on my Dartmouth experience. If I could go back, would I do things differently? I think I would. I still would have joined Theta, I still would have played rugby and I still would have worked at the theater. This leaves me with whether or not I would do computer science again. I got into computer science after I took a computer animation course my sophomore fall and simply fell in love with it. I had previously been a history major but by the time sophomore spring rolled around I decided I should try to major in something I truly LOVE. Because the animation industry tends to favor students from art schools who did nothing but animate for four years I was left with the option of pursuing animation at an art school, or pursuing animation through the technical side. I wasn’t ready to leave Dartmouth quite yet so I opted for the computer science major modified with the digital arts. Well, little did I know at the time that I would end up resenting and regretting my major choice once I ran out of digital art classes.
I thought I was so clever by the end of sophomore year for coming up with this major. After all, I had taken Intro to Computer Science that spring and it wasn’t so bad. While I anticipated many late nights, what I didn’t anticipate was how the culture would shape me over the next two years. Somehow the department managed to inform me of the kind of person I am and want to be much more than I thought possible of any academic endeavor. Now I don’t know what comes to mind for you when I say computer science culture but something tells me you’re picturing a group of really nerdy guys, all wearing glasses, because they’ve ruined their eyes by starting at a computer screen for hours upon end, and they’re all making very nerdy jokes that are really only funny if you have a solid knowledge of programming, or science-fiction tv, or magic cards or other things that are equally nerdy. Now I would love to dispel this common perception of CS majors, some would say it is not the most flattering, but I must admit, staring at a computer has wreaked havoc on my eyesight, I laugh at the jokes, hell I make them sometimes, and just last week I sat doing my algorithms homework while 2 fellow students discussed magic cards. I’m not embarrassed. I love the jokes and I am proud of the fact that our major has a culture at all. Despite what some people might think, we are incredibly social people. Unfortunately, our major keeps us trapped in the basement of Sudikoff so we are very social with each other and not you.
But when I say that the culture shaped me, this isn’t the culture I mean. In my junior year, I noticed a severe imbalance in the department. I found myself one of very few women in computer science. Women tended to comprise only about 20% of a class. Now this might not be surprising to most people, it wasn’t a surprise to me, but I had never thought it would actually affect me and I think most people our age don’t think it would be a big deal especially in college. How naïve I was. The thing is, while it hasn’t always been all that great being in a male dominated environment for a majority of my Dartmouth academic career, I have to say it taught me a lot about how I feel about being a woman. I don’t know if I would have had the same sort of awareness otherwise.
So, as I started spending more late nights in the computer lab and less time with my friends, I began to miss being with women. It is just a completely different experience hanging around mostly men instead of with women or with a mixed group. I missed my female friendships. All of my relationships suffered because I was a CS major. During my long and often painful hours in the lab I discovered what it meant to be a woman in science. I felt the need to prove myself to my fellow students. Prove that a woman can and does belong in this environment. I wanted to be taken seriously and I’m not convinced that I always was. I felt like I couldn’t be just in the middle of the class or people would wonder why I was even doing it. I can’t really explain why I felt this way but I just felt that I had to prove that I, as a woman, could do it as good or better. As it turns out, my feelings weren’t completely unjustified. When talking to a previous classmate earlier this year about a class we had taken together, he let slip that he thought the only reason I would get by was because of my boobs. I was stunned. I was also speechless and I am ashamed to say that I can’t even remember what I said back to him if I said anything at all. I had worked so hard in that class and I was pissed that he thought that! Why would I rely on my body to get me through a class!? Even now, besides telling him he is an asshole I am not sure I would be able to respond to that. But that got me thinking, while not everyone thought that, if one person did, how many others have thought the same or similar things about me before? I was so mad and realized that not everyone in that department thinks I can do it and not everyone in that department treats me equally because I am a woman.
I suddenly realized why, when I had never cared about how I dressed before, I became terribly conscious of everything I wore to the lab. Certain clothes made me very uncomfortable. I was fine if I wore sweatshirts and jeans. But somewhat low cut tops or tops that accentuated my breasts became a serious NO. I sacrificed my femininity to be comfortable. But how comfortable could I feel when I was trying my hardest to hide who I am, the fact that I am a woman? I didn’t want these sorts of concerns in my academic environment. I just shouldn’t be worried that my classmates aren’t going to take me seriously because they are staring at my chest!
I started noticing sexism much more frequently. Maybe a lot of it was unintentional. I like to think it was. I think very well of all of my classmates so I doubt many of them are truly conscious of it. But the problem remained that it was still there. I remember being told things like: “Gemma, I am so glad there’s an attractive female CS major in the department.” Now I’m sure he meant to be flattering or complimentary but I was offended. Why should my appearance play a factor in me being a CS major at all? Why couldn’t he be glad that I was in the department for something, anything, other than that? I’ve grown tired of sexist comments that are supposed to be jokes. Recently I was told the master plan for the group projects for my upper level course was to let the girls bake brownies while the guys did the computer work. It wasn’t said in all seriousness but even things said jokingly can hurt too.
But worse than these things was the sense of discomfort I would feel even with my good friends in the department. Considering that fact that I am often one of only 3 or 4 women in a class of 20, it doesn’t really surprise me that my best friends in the department are men. So when it comes time to study or do homework, I am usually with male friends. The thing is, conversation isn’t always about nerdy computer science jokes. It seemed almost natural that conversation turns to women on occasion. I would hear generalizations like women are irrational, we can’t or don’t analyze our priorities properly, we enjoy unnecessarily stressful lives. Women didn’t seem to have a whole lot going on in the common sense department according to the things I heard. While they rarely apply these statements to me (although it has happened), it hurt to hear them say such things about my gender. Sometimes I felt like I was a very different sort of woman than the one’s who were discussed and so I might find myself nodding or worse, agreeing that women can be completely nonsensical creatures. In this sense, because they didn’t call me an emotionally irrational being, a fault apparently typical of my gender, I almost blended in completely. Kind of like I was one of the guys. But I’m not really sure they see it that way either. But it still remained that I felt the need to deny that I am that kind of woman, or that I am woman at all.
I hated it when conversation turned to criticizing women’s bodies or clothing choices. What must these classmates think about me? Do they think about me? Do they know how insecure I can be about my body? I couldn’t decide which was worse, that they might critique me in the way I have heard them do to others, or that they might ignore my femininity completely. Up until recently I had decided I would rather have my womanhood ignored. To feel comfortable in my academic environment I needed to forget that I am a woman. But that just means I am hiding something that is such an integral part of me and I don’t know how to express to my classmates and friends that to treat a woman as an equal they need to acknowledge that she is a woman without having that fact make her any less than who she is.
It does bother me that I have had a different experience in computer science from my male classmates. It does bother me that even after all my classes I still feel like I don’t belong. It bothers me that while I might expect sexism in Dartmouth’s social scene I instead found it in my classes. It bothers me that I was told that I was hired to TA partly because I am a woman. It bothers me that all of my female relationships have suffered so that I can pursue an education in something that makes me feel less than who I am.
Computer Science took away some of the greatest joys I had on this campus. Junior year I quit rugby and I quit my job in the theater. I felt I never had time for my friends outside of the department or when I wasn’t in the lab I wanted to be sleeping and not participating in the usual Dartmouth social scene. I grew very sad by Junior spring. I had a hard time rousing myself from my bed. I found myself avoiding friends even when I did have time. I found myself on the verge of tears almost all the time. It only grew worse this year when I finally ran out of digital art classes and I was stuck taking only computer science classes, the classes I hated. By the end of this past winter term, there was rarely a night that I didn’t find myself crying before going to bed. This is not normal for me. I used to be happy. I was so embarrassed that I couldn’t control this part of myself, I felt weak. I certainly didn’t want people to know, so I pretended that nothing was different whenever I was with people. I was pretending all the time. I took comfort in isolation because I didn’t need to pretend if I was alone. I still pretend. I was worried about myself though and because, even when in the throes of something completely foreign and inexplicable, I realized I needed something I couldn’t give to myself, so eventually I called Dick’s House to see if I could see someone. It was the end of winter term though and there was no one available. I hadn’t realized I needed to plan ahead for breakdowns. The term ended with me feeling much the same way and I went on tour with the rugby team to Ireland and I finally had a chance to clear my head. I came to the conclusion that a majority of the reason I was feeling so down all the time was because of my major. It had taken so much away from me and given so little back. It took rugby away from me, my friends away from me, it deprived me of my mental health, and exposed me to a sexist environment too early in my career. I resented my major and regretted my choice.
People have tried to get me to see the brighter side by saying at least I can get a high paying job after I graduate. But why would I consider a career in something that has already caused me such distress? The brighter side that I see is that I have made some wonderful friends in the department who will listen to me when I voice my concerns, even though what I have said tonight may not seem like it, I know what I do not want to do in life, and I have become more proud of the fact that I am a woman than I think I would have been otherwise. This department has made me a much more confident person than I used to be. I suppose, in the end, I would not want to sacrifice the things I have learned in my academic life, despite the fact that I hated the way I had to learn them. An easier path would not have led me here and most likely would not have led me anywhere. I would be the same person I was my freshman year and I don’t like that woman so well as I like who I am now. I tell my friends now when their conversation upsets me and makes me uncomfortable, and being the good friends they are, they listen. I am a feminist, a word I used to shy away from, and I am proud that I am. Without challenges you can’t grow and I value my growth into who I am today much more than I can value the comfortable choice. And so, all regrets thrown aside, I can’t help but embrace the bad times with the good and declare that all of those things made me the person I love to be.
For my next post, I will put up a few photos of my sister's wedding. So you (although I don't know if that will be anyone) have that to look forward to.
When I came to Dartmouth, I expected my social and extracurricular life to define me more than my academic life. The social scene was something I fell into with relative ease and academically I figured I would choose something I already knew, liked and felt comfortable with. As soon as I got here I joined the women’s rugby team and began to work in the theater. I was thrilled that I had the time to do both things when I had previously had to choose between the two in high school. Then my sophomore year I joined Epsilon Kappa Theta and eventually became its Vice President. I believe, like most people, I define myself by what I do on campus because these activities have done a great deal to define me. At the end of my sophomore year I decided to become a computer science major, and while this seemed to be a solely academic choice, that department, for better or worse, has affected every aspect of my life.
As graduation draws near, I find myself reflecting more frequently on my Dartmouth experience. If I could go back, would I do things differently? I think I would. I still would have joined Theta, I still would have played rugby and I still would have worked at the theater. This leaves me with whether or not I would do computer science again. I got into computer science after I took a computer animation course my sophomore fall and simply fell in love with it. I had previously been a history major but by the time sophomore spring rolled around I decided I should try to major in something I truly LOVE. Because the animation industry tends to favor students from art schools who did nothing but animate for four years I was left with the option of pursuing animation at an art school, or pursuing animation through the technical side. I wasn’t ready to leave Dartmouth quite yet so I opted for the computer science major modified with the digital arts. Well, little did I know at the time that I would end up resenting and regretting my major choice once I ran out of digital art classes.
I thought I was so clever by the end of sophomore year for coming up with this major. After all, I had taken Intro to Computer Science that spring and it wasn’t so bad. While I anticipated many late nights, what I didn’t anticipate was how the culture would shape me over the next two years. Somehow the department managed to inform me of the kind of person I am and want to be much more than I thought possible of any academic endeavor. Now I don’t know what comes to mind for you when I say computer science culture but something tells me you’re picturing a group of really nerdy guys, all wearing glasses, because they’ve ruined their eyes by starting at a computer screen for hours upon end, and they’re all making very nerdy jokes that are really only funny if you have a solid knowledge of programming, or science-fiction tv, or magic cards or other things that are equally nerdy. Now I would love to dispel this common perception of CS majors, some would say it is not the most flattering, but I must admit, staring at a computer has wreaked havoc on my eyesight, I laugh at the jokes, hell I make them sometimes, and just last week I sat doing my algorithms homework while 2 fellow students discussed magic cards. I’m not embarrassed. I love the jokes and I am proud of the fact that our major has a culture at all. Despite what some people might think, we are incredibly social people. Unfortunately, our major keeps us trapped in the basement of Sudikoff so we are very social with each other and not you.
But when I say that the culture shaped me, this isn’t the culture I mean. In my junior year, I noticed a severe imbalance in the department. I found myself one of very few women in computer science. Women tended to comprise only about 20% of a class. Now this might not be surprising to most people, it wasn’t a surprise to me, but I had never thought it would actually affect me and I think most people our age don’t think it would be a big deal especially in college. How naïve I was. The thing is, while it hasn’t always been all that great being in a male dominated environment for a majority of my Dartmouth academic career, I have to say it taught me a lot about how I feel about being a woman. I don’t know if I would have had the same sort of awareness otherwise.
So, as I started spending more late nights in the computer lab and less time with my friends, I began to miss being with women. It is just a completely different experience hanging around mostly men instead of with women or with a mixed group. I missed my female friendships. All of my relationships suffered because I was a CS major. During my long and often painful hours in the lab I discovered what it meant to be a woman in science. I felt the need to prove myself to my fellow students. Prove that a woman can and does belong in this environment. I wanted to be taken seriously and I’m not convinced that I always was. I felt like I couldn’t be just in the middle of the class or people would wonder why I was even doing it. I can’t really explain why I felt this way but I just felt that I had to prove that I, as a woman, could do it as good or better. As it turns out, my feelings weren’t completely unjustified. When talking to a previous classmate earlier this year about a class we had taken together, he let slip that he thought the only reason I would get by was because of my boobs. I was stunned. I was also speechless and I am ashamed to say that I can’t even remember what I said back to him if I said anything at all. I had worked so hard in that class and I was pissed that he thought that! Why would I rely on my body to get me through a class!? Even now, besides telling him he is an asshole I am not sure I would be able to respond to that. But that got me thinking, while not everyone thought that, if one person did, how many others have thought the same or similar things about me before? I was so mad and realized that not everyone in that department thinks I can do it and not everyone in that department treats me equally because I am a woman.
I suddenly realized why, when I had never cared about how I dressed before, I became terribly conscious of everything I wore to the lab. Certain clothes made me very uncomfortable. I was fine if I wore sweatshirts and jeans. But somewhat low cut tops or tops that accentuated my breasts became a serious NO. I sacrificed my femininity to be comfortable. But how comfortable could I feel when I was trying my hardest to hide who I am, the fact that I am a woman? I didn’t want these sorts of concerns in my academic environment. I just shouldn’t be worried that my classmates aren’t going to take me seriously because they are staring at my chest!
I started noticing sexism much more frequently. Maybe a lot of it was unintentional. I like to think it was. I think very well of all of my classmates so I doubt many of them are truly conscious of it. But the problem remained that it was still there. I remember being told things like: “Gemma, I am so glad there’s an attractive female CS major in the department.” Now I’m sure he meant to be flattering or complimentary but I was offended. Why should my appearance play a factor in me being a CS major at all? Why couldn’t he be glad that I was in the department for something, anything, other than that? I’ve grown tired of sexist comments that are supposed to be jokes. Recently I was told the master plan for the group projects for my upper level course was to let the girls bake brownies while the guys did the computer work. It wasn’t said in all seriousness but even things said jokingly can hurt too.
But worse than these things was the sense of discomfort I would feel even with my good friends in the department. Considering that fact that I am often one of only 3 or 4 women in a class of 20, it doesn’t really surprise me that my best friends in the department are men. So when it comes time to study or do homework, I am usually with male friends. The thing is, conversation isn’t always about nerdy computer science jokes. It seemed almost natural that conversation turns to women on occasion. I would hear generalizations like women are irrational, we can’t or don’t analyze our priorities properly, we enjoy unnecessarily stressful lives. Women didn’t seem to have a whole lot going on in the common sense department according to the things I heard. While they rarely apply these statements to me (although it has happened), it hurt to hear them say such things about my gender. Sometimes I felt like I was a very different sort of woman than the one’s who were discussed and so I might find myself nodding or worse, agreeing that women can be completely nonsensical creatures. In this sense, because they didn’t call me an emotionally irrational being, a fault apparently typical of my gender, I almost blended in completely. Kind of like I was one of the guys. But I’m not really sure they see it that way either. But it still remained that I felt the need to deny that I am that kind of woman, or that I am woman at all.
I hated it when conversation turned to criticizing women’s bodies or clothing choices. What must these classmates think about me? Do they think about me? Do they know how insecure I can be about my body? I couldn’t decide which was worse, that they might critique me in the way I have heard them do to others, or that they might ignore my femininity completely. Up until recently I had decided I would rather have my womanhood ignored. To feel comfortable in my academic environment I needed to forget that I am a woman. But that just means I am hiding something that is such an integral part of me and I don’t know how to express to my classmates and friends that to treat a woman as an equal they need to acknowledge that she is a woman without having that fact make her any less than who she is.
It does bother me that I have had a different experience in computer science from my male classmates. It does bother me that even after all my classes I still feel like I don’t belong. It bothers me that while I might expect sexism in Dartmouth’s social scene I instead found it in my classes. It bothers me that I was told that I was hired to TA partly because I am a woman. It bothers me that all of my female relationships have suffered so that I can pursue an education in something that makes me feel less than who I am.
Computer Science took away some of the greatest joys I had on this campus. Junior year I quit rugby and I quit my job in the theater. I felt I never had time for my friends outside of the department or when I wasn’t in the lab I wanted to be sleeping and not participating in the usual Dartmouth social scene. I grew very sad by Junior spring. I had a hard time rousing myself from my bed. I found myself avoiding friends even when I did have time. I found myself on the verge of tears almost all the time. It only grew worse this year when I finally ran out of digital art classes and I was stuck taking only computer science classes, the classes I hated. By the end of this past winter term, there was rarely a night that I didn’t find myself crying before going to bed. This is not normal for me. I used to be happy. I was so embarrassed that I couldn’t control this part of myself, I felt weak. I certainly didn’t want people to know, so I pretended that nothing was different whenever I was with people. I was pretending all the time. I took comfort in isolation because I didn’t need to pretend if I was alone. I still pretend. I was worried about myself though and because, even when in the throes of something completely foreign and inexplicable, I realized I needed something I couldn’t give to myself, so eventually I called Dick’s House to see if I could see someone. It was the end of winter term though and there was no one available. I hadn’t realized I needed to plan ahead for breakdowns. The term ended with me feeling much the same way and I went on tour with the rugby team to Ireland and I finally had a chance to clear my head. I came to the conclusion that a majority of the reason I was feeling so down all the time was because of my major. It had taken so much away from me and given so little back. It took rugby away from me, my friends away from me, it deprived me of my mental health, and exposed me to a sexist environment too early in my career. I resented my major and regretted my choice.
People have tried to get me to see the brighter side by saying at least I can get a high paying job after I graduate. But why would I consider a career in something that has already caused me such distress? The brighter side that I see is that I have made some wonderful friends in the department who will listen to me when I voice my concerns, even though what I have said tonight may not seem like it, I know what I do not want to do in life, and I have become more proud of the fact that I am a woman than I think I would have been otherwise. This department has made me a much more confident person than I used to be. I suppose, in the end, I would not want to sacrifice the things I have learned in my academic life, despite the fact that I hated the way I had to learn them. An easier path would not have led me here and most likely would not have led me anywhere. I would be the same person I was my freshman year and I don’t like that woman so well as I like who I am now. I tell my friends now when their conversation upsets me and makes me uncomfortable, and being the good friends they are, they listen. I am a feminist, a word I used to shy away from, and I am proud that I am. Without challenges you can’t grow and I value my growth into who I am today much more than I can value the comfortable choice. And so, all regrets thrown aside, I can’t help but embrace the bad times with the good and declare that all of those things made me the person I love to be.
For my next post, I will put up a few photos of my sister's wedding. So you (although I don't know if that will be anyone) have that to look forward to.
Friday, November 23, 2007
Fall Term Update
I feel like I should begin every post with an apology. Sorry I have not been writing and now it makes me sad that I don't think anyone is reading this anymore. I think I will start with a quick update on my my term. It has been busy. It has been tiring. But it has had its good moments, that's for sure. Firstly I am proud to say that I did manage to play rugby for the whole season. While I had previously planned on being nothing but on the B-side (if you don't know what that is, it is like second string) I found myself playing A-side for every game. This is not to brag since I am not a terribly good player, but the team is small and I know the game pretty well. I am trying to get pictures to show to you. All in all I am very happy I went back to the sport before I graduated. I took all last year off from rugby and I think it was a very good thing that I left so that I could remember why I love the sport. I must enjoy it since I even wrote an article for the newsletter. Impressive, to say the least. Ah well here is a picture of me and some rugby girls at the homecoming bonfire.
This photo was taken by my friend Krystal and is of me, Noelle, Emily, and Liz (from left to right).
Now I shall move on from rugby and onto the rest of my term. I am doing a thesis this term and next term on real-time energy feedback in the dorms. This is an extremely boring description of a much more interesting project. However, the project is NOT going well and so I don't really feel like explaining it or my motivation for taking the project on. Sorry to be so curt.
I am also taking CS68: The Principles of Programming Languages. Oh the thrilling life I lead! I am the envy of at least 2 people who read this now. I am sure of it. To keep this story just as short as the thesis story, the course started out with 20 students and then there were 13 and now there are 5. I am hoping that the professor will give me a good grade just for remaining in the class. Although I am fairly certain that is not the way this process works. Bummer. My last class is Introduction to Biological Anthropology. It is a large lecture based class, which keeps me feeling safely anonymous, something I haven't had the chance to be in class since Sophomore year. In addition to these academic endeavors, I am also working as an Introduction to Computer Science grader. This means I teach a subsection of the class for an hour every Thursday. They are mostly freshmen and sophomores and naturally, mostly male. I think I am a pretty fun teacher and even though I am the one giving out their grades I have to admit that they tend to get pretty good grades so I am quite proud of them.
That covers work and academics. Extracurriculars: I am busy being VP of my sorority (Epsilon Kappa Theta). That's fun. We had formal a few weekends ago actually. Here are some photos of me at the formal.
This was taken by Abbie (possibly by her boyfriend), of me and Abbie. She fooled around with the colors because apparently we were all washed out from the flash. We aren't actually colored that way naturally.
This was taken by Diane of me and Angie. I love my dress but I think I was the least formally dressed woman there. I think that I look like I am fully prepared to visit toyland.
This was taken by Erin (uhh or perhaps her boyfriend, Eric) of me and Dave.
Many other things have been going on this term but I really can't say I feel like launching into a lot of it. I recommend you read this from The D (school newspaper) and this as well so that you can maybe get a small idea of some of things going on about campus that have meant a lot to me.
Hm, what else? I don't know. Let me know if you have any questions. As soon as I get pictures from Thanksgiving onto my computer I will put those up. This break has been pretty good so far. I stayed at school since going all the way back to California is just too far and expensive for such a short break. Not to mention the term ends so soon. I head home on the tenth of December. Ah yes, I also cleaned my room over the break and took pictures of it to send to my mum. Now I will post them here so that you too can enjoy how cozy my room looks. Ignore the bras and note the snow outside.
Okay! If anyone is reading this then I hope you enjoyed it!
No wait! Don't go yet, here are more pictures me and friends. . . we may or may not have been drinking and eating cupcakes baked by Emma. I can't say that the two really mix though.
This photo was taken by my friend Krystal and is of me, Noelle, Emily, and Liz (from left to right).
Now I shall move on from rugby and onto the rest of my term. I am doing a thesis this term and next term on real-time energy feedback in the dorms. This is an extremely boring description of a much more interesting project. However, the project is NOT going well and so I don't really feel like explaining it or my motivation for taking the project on. Sorry to be so curt.
I am also taking CS68: The Principles of Programming Languages. Oh the thrilling life I lead! I am the envy of at least 2 people who read this now. I am sure of it. To keep this story just as short as the thesis story, the course started out with 20 students and then there were 13 and now there are 5. I am hoping that the professor will give me a good grade just for remaining in the class. Although I am fairly certain that is not the way this process works. Bummer. My last class is Introduction to Biological Anthropology. It is a large lecture based class, which keeps me feeling safely anonymous, something I haven't had the chance to be in class since Sophomore year. In addition to these academic endeavors, I am also working as an Introduction to Computer Science grader. This means I teach a subsection of the class for an hour every Thursday. They are mostly freshmen and sophomores and naturally, mostly male. I think I am a pretty fun teacher and even though I am the one giving out their grades I have to admit that they tend to get pretty good grades so I am quite proud of them.
That covers work and academics. Extracurriculars: I am busy being VP of my sorority (Epsilon Kappa Theta). That's fun. We had formal a few weekends ago actually. Here are some photos of me at the formal.
This was taken by Abbie (possibly by her boyfriend), of me and Abbie. She fooled around with the colors because apparently we were all washed out from the flash. We aren't actually colored that way naturally.
This was taken by Diane of me and Angie. I love my dress but I think I was the least formally dressed woman there. I think that I look like I am fully prepared to visit toyland.
This was taken by Erin (uhh or perhaps her boyfriend, Eric) of me and Dave.
Many other things have been going on this term but I really can't say I feel like launching into a lot of it. I recommend you read this from The D (school newspaper) and this as well so that you can maybe get a small idea of some of things going on about campus that have meant a lot to me.
Hm, what else? I don't know. Let me know if you have any questions. As soon as I get pictures from Thanksgiving onto my computer I will put those up. This break has been pretty good so far. I stayed at school since going all the way back to California is just too far and expensive for such a short break. Not to mention the term ends so soon. I head home on the tenth of December. Ah yes, I also cleaned my room over the break and took pictures of it to send to my mum. Now I will post them here so that you too can enjoy how cozy my room looks. Ignore the bras and note the snow outside.
Okay! If anyone is reading this then I hope you enjoyed it!
No wait! Don't go yet, here are more pictures me and friends. . . we may or may not have been drinking and eating cupcakes baked by Emma. I can't say that the two really mix though.
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Kay Nielsen Illustrations
Here is the last installation of illustrations that the ASIFA-Hollywood archive has so kindly let me borrow and post about (quick note that these images were given to the archive by nocloo). These last illustrations are all by Kay Nielsen, who was certainly considered one of the greatest artists during the golden age of illustration. Through a bit of research I learned that Nielsen's work is thought of as a bit more modern than that of Dulac. I wasn't so sure, so I checked for myself and instantly understood why that was said. Extremely intricate designs are in almost every illustration and the Japanese influence that pervaded the early 20th century is clearly evident. Let me show you.
These are all from In Powder and Crinoline (1913).
Do you see it? I have no doubt you can at least see how beautiful these are. I'll just keep sharing the pictures with you. These next ones are from East of the Sun and West of the Moon and they are breathtaking.
These woods really remind me of John Bauer's forests. No surprise that Bauer is named as one of Nielsen's influences.
This background is really lovely, and so simple.
And finally this is an illustration from a later work of Hansel and Gretel and Other Stories From the Brothers Grimm in 1925:
I hope you enjoyed these! On a similar note, I was missing the abundance of art available at the archive so much that I decided to go in search of art at Dartmouth. Naturally I went to our special collections library, Rauner. Bingo. I have spent the past few days enjoying only one of the many amazing illustrated books stashed away in there. Of course the first book I chose was Great Swedish Fairy Tales illustrated by John Bauer. I was uncertain if I was allowed to make copies or anything of the illustrations so I made extremely poor renderings of my own so that I could enjoy them at any time I want. It turns out that I can make copies or take photos, but I am glad I have attempted to draw them, it makes me appreciate them even more.
These are all from In Powder and Crinoline (1913).
Do you see it? I have no doubt you can at least see how beautiful these are. I'll just keep sharing the pictures with you. These next ones are from East of the Sun and West of the Moon and they are breathtaking.
These woods really remind me of John Bauer's forests. No surprise that Bauer is named as one of Nielsen's influences.
This background is really lovely, and so simple.
And finally this is an illustration from a later work of Hansel and Gretel and Other Stories From the Brothers Grimm in 1925:
I hope you enjoyed these! On a similar note, I was missing the abundance of art available at the archive so much that I decided to go in search of art at Dartmouth. Naturally I went to our special collections library, Rauner. Bingo. I have spent the past few days enjoying only one of the many amazing illustrated books stashed away in there. Of course the first book I chose was Great Swedish Fairy Tales illustrated by John Bauer. I was uncertain if I was allowed to make copies or anything of the illustrations so I made extremely poor renderings of my own so that I could enjoy them at any time I want. It turns out that I can make copies or take photos, but I am glad I have attempted to draw them, it makes me appreciate them even more.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Farewell Archive
“I came out to see the tears,” Steve said as he emerged from his office to find me admiring the drawing Mike had made for me on my last day at the archive. There were no tears, and for anyone who has known me long enough will know I very rarely share my emotions openly. Although there were no tears shed, there was quite the panoply of feelings welling up inside of me. I knew that this time around I was leaving behind so much more than I left behind when I parted from the archive in March. While I had made great friends in the winter, the summer solidified those relationships in ways I did not fully expect.
I found myself listening to Jojo at the Coral as he alternately lamented the students at his school and proclaimed us to be some of his greatest friends, and I silently agreed that he was right. I knew I would miss everyone so much and of course I have turned out to be right. The archive became a home to me and taught me an immeasurable amount. It is difficult to put into words what the archive has taught me. The archive is primarily a resource for artists and I have trouble even comparing myself to the students who follow Steve’s archive posts and visit the archive to take advantage of the never-ending treasures laid out there. I envy them for they can more easily show and describe what they have learned.
I did not learn the way I learn in a classroom while at ASIFA-Hollywood and I am sure that I am better for it. I was in charge of my own education at the archive and it would have been easy enough to just sort through films and art without absorbing anything. Well, no, that wouldn’t have been very easy for me to do because I absorb quite a bit at a pretty good rate. So I learned what I would consider some basics, such as which animators worked where and did what. I learned about artists first by looking at their work then usually through my own (very little) research. But beyond that more concrete sort of education, I more importantly developed a more critical eye and mind. Just by looking at so much art day after day I learned what I consider to be good art. The sheer volume of art I was exposed to through my work with the database and listening to conversations held by Steve and visitors gave me the ability to better analyze and critique animation and art.
As mentioned earlier, working at the archive gave me an education as well as friends that I am certain will last a lifetime. I almost forgot! The archive also did quite a bit for my self-confidence; I was amazed by all of the things I accomplished while working there. That felt good.
Now I say a final good bye and a tremendous thank you for everything to the archive and all of my LA friends for a few months. But don’t worry I will come back to visit.
I found myself listening to Jojo at the Coral as he alternately lamented the students at his school and proclaimed us to be some of his greatest friends, and I silently agreed that he was right. I knew I would miss everyone so much and of course I have turned out to be right. The archive became a home to me and taught me an immeasurable amount. It is difficult to put into words what the archive has taught me. The archive is primarily a resource for artists and I have trouble even comparing myself to the students who follow Steve’s archive posts and visit the archive to take advantage of the never-ending treasures laid out there. I envy them for they can more easily show and describe what they have learned.
I did not learn the way I learn in a classroom while at ASIFA-Hollywood and I am sure that I am better for it. I was in charge of my own education at the archive and it would have been easy enough to just sort through films and art without absorbing anything. Well, no, that wouldn’t have been very easy for me to do because I absorb quite a bit at a pretty good rate. So I learned what I would consider some basics, such as which animators worked where and did what. I learned about artists first by looking at their work then usually through my own (very little) research. But beyond that more concrete sort of education, I more importantly developed a more critical eye and mind. Just by looking at so much art day after day I learned what I consider to be good art. The sheer volume of art I was exposed to through my work with the database and listening to conversations held by Steve and visitors gave me the ability to better analyze and critique animation and art.
As mentioned earlier, working at the archive gave me an education as well as friends that I am certain will last a lifetime. I almost forgot! The archive also did quite a bit for my self-confidence; I was amazed by all of the things I accomplished while working there. That felt good.
Now I say a final good bye and a tremendous thank you for everything to the archive and all of my LA friends for a few months. But don’t worry I will come back to visit.
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